One month old today!

Someone once told me that when it comes to kids that the days are long, but the weeks, months and years are short. They weren't kidding! I can't believe she is a month old already!

My little miracle...

The valuable lesson an iPhone taught me

When we were engaged, S had a work phone that he HATED, but it was free, since it was through work.  He really, really wanted an iPhone...I had one, he was jealous, and he wanted one.  When we were together, S would scroll through the apps and talk about how much he wanted one, one day.

One night, S got more serious.  He started sounding like he was really ready to make a move and go buy one.  We talked it out, and I thought I had convinced him that it would be silly to spend money on a phone when he has a free one through work.  After a few minutes, he said, "OK, we can be done talking about this...", and I felt satisfied that I had convinced him of my argument. 

Flash forward to the following day when I went to go visit him at work.  I asked him a question, and he said, "I don't know the answer to that, let me look it up on my fancy new iPhone", and whipped it off of his belt clip (another issue for another day!) to look it up.  I was shocked!  What happened?  I started arguing with him, and said, "I thought we decided you weren't going to get an iPhone, and here it is less than 12 hours later, and you got one!"  To which he responded, "No, what I SAID was that we were done TALKING about it.  I already knew I was going to get one and didn't see the point in continuing to talk about it when my mind was already made up!"   

I was furious because it was long commitment, lots of money, etc...but I learned a valuable lesson about listening more carefully and picking my fights.  Did I really care about the extra money, or was I more worried about the larger issue of us learning how to make decisions together...or was I even more worried that he was a man with his own ability to make decisions and might not always listen to what I thought was clear logic?? 

As it turns out, it was the latter - and part of what I had to learn (am still learning) is that just because he doesn't "listen" to me, doesn't make it the wrong decision and also doesn't mean that he doesn't value my opinion or love me. It also doesn't mean that we are going to go broke, that he's irresponsible with money, or that we will be always fighting about money.  I am not in charge of him, just like he's not in charge of me.  We are both adults with incomes, and up until we got together, we were both able to make completely autonomous decisions about how to spend our money - now, we were going to have to learn how to compromise, how to give and take, and how to let one another have some latitude to do the things they wanted to do with the money they earned and not let it impact our relationship negatively. 

It meant that we were two adults with different opinions, and that sometimes, it's alright to disagree. 

Sometimes. 

Happy Girl

Her belly is full, so she is a happy girl! Love that little smile!

Questions I Can't Answer

I remember being a small child, and thinking that my parents knew EVERYTHING.  I even remember trying to test the limits of their knowledge by asking them questions that I felt that they couldn't possibly know the answer to, and still, they always knew.  It was very comforting, and awe inspiring. 

There are times that I still call my dad for advice or information - I just did it last week.  An alert came on in our new car, and S was out of town, training for his new job, and my first thought was "Dad will know".  Sure enough, I called him - he knew.  He actually had several suggestions of how to fix the problem - that's how smart he is about things! 

Fast forward to three weeks ago, when S and I became parents, and it struck me:  Diana is going to look at US the same way!  What??   That can't be right!  We are morons!  (Alright, I'll speak for myself...I am a moron, S is pretty darn smart about most things.) 

Right now, it's pretty simple because her needs are simple.  If she's crying or fussy, there's only one of a few things wrong:  she's hungry, wet or dirty, wants to be held or tired.  I can totally wrap my brain around that.  Four things.  

What I am worried about are the harder questions that will inevitably come.  Not the "where do babies come from?" kind of questions - although, that is sure to be an awkward conversation for both of us.  I am more worried about the questions that I still don't know the answers to, even though I am 36 years old, questions I don't know if I would know the answers to if I lived to be 136, questions like "why does God let bad things happen to good people?"  or "why are some people so mean?"  or "what happens when we die?" or "why does anyone watch the stupid Kardashian shows?"

Honestly, those are questions that I would like the answer to, as well.  I just don't feel like the right response is "I have no idea, kid.  Let me know if you find someone that has the answer to that."  I guess I have some time to think up creative answers to those kinds of questions, considering that she can't even talk yet...but all of the sudden, it seems like I need to shape up, grow up and learn more, quickly.

Anyone else ever feel like that?? 

Diana Dawn is here - and she's growing up so fast, already!

Diana Dawn is finally here! She arrived on Tuesday, August 28, 2012 at 1:19PM, via c-section at Brookwood Hospital in Homewood, Alabama. She weighed in at 9 pounds, 7 ounces, and measured at 22 inches long - and came out with a full head of gorgeous dark brown hair. I know I am biased, but Diana really is the most beautiful baby ever born.

It's been hectic, to say the least, since her arrival - which won't surprise anyone that has ever had a baby. She is a champion sleeper - when she sleeps, she sleeps hard, which is actually something I prayed for since my side of the family is riddled with insomniacs and light sleepers. She takes after her Daddy, in that regard...thank goodness! Her favorite spot to sleep is always in someone's arms, or right up against Mommy's neck (which I am not complaining about - it's heaven!).
I had my heart set on breastfeeding Diana, but after some serious effort and serious frustrations on both of our parts, it turns out that the best system for us is for me to pump, and for her to take a bottle...and for us to supplement with a little formula when she gets hungrier than I can keep up with. I worried a lot about what other people were going to think of the fact that I am not doing traditional breastfeeding, but as Steven reminded me more than once, we had to do what was right for our family and she is still getting the nutritional and health benefits of my breast milk with the method we have adopted. She lost a lot of weight while she was in the hospital, but now, with our new system, she's back up to 9 pounds, 8 ounces as of our pediatrician's appointment on Wednesday. What a relief!
Someone told me once that when you have a child that the "days are long, but the weeks fly by." That has certainly proven to be truer than I ever could have anticipated. I can't believe it's already been over two weeks since she was born! The days just get away from us so fast - between feeding her, pumping, changing, rocking, trying to sleep myself, etc., they are long days, but they are clipping by so quickly. I have been so lucky to have a great deal of help - whether it was my incredible mother-in-law, who came to stay while S was out of town training for a few days for his new job, or friends that came with meals, or to clean, or ran to the store to pick up the things we needed, I have only had to ask, and whatever I have needed is taken care of.I am sort of obsessed with taking pictures and videos of Diana. I love every new facial expression, sweet noise, and movement. I love how she looks when she sleeps. I love the sighs of contentment she makes after she has a full belly. I love the way she flails her arms wide when I lay her down to change her, as if to say "Wait! Hug me first!" I love how she's already learning how to focus on her mobile that hangs above her bassinet. I've become one of "those people" that documents everything (and I am trying very hard not to post every picture because I know that everyone is not as obsessed with my kid as I am!). Every single thing she does seems to be photo or video worthy - especially because she is growing and changing so much already.Today, I realized that she is growing up already. I went to put a diaper on her, and it just didn't quite fit. I thought maybe it was just because she was laying on it, or I hadn't arranged it properly. However, after a great deal of finagling, it finally occurred to me: she's outgrown the newborn size! How do I have a daughter that is already outgrowing anything? She just got her. Later today, I noticed that she was getting increasingly frustrated when I was feeding her at how slowly the milk was coming out of the bottle, when it finally occurred to me: she is ready for the next stage of bottle! Two things in one day!? I am not ready for this!