Tuesday, February 14, 2012

How to end a pregnancy meltdown - FAST!

Yesterday, pregnancy hormones got the best of me. I swear I was possessed by an alien or something. I literally just didn't feel like myself - words were coming out of my mouth that didn't sound like me, tears were coming out of my eyes for no reason. It was BIZARRE! Poor S...he bore the brunt of it.

Here's the breakdown of my breakdown:

J: (walking into S's home office to see if he's done working for the day) You almost done? What are we having for dinner?

S: Whatever you want. I'll be done in a little bit. (changing the subject) So, tomorrow's Valentine's Day, right? And we aren't doing presents for each other, right?

J: (smiling) That's right! Just cards - no presents. Our trip to Vegas is going to be our present to each other.

S: (looking relieved) OK, great. Just cards and tokens of affection.

{needle scratching across the record}

J: Tokens of affection?? What does that mean? Tokens of affection means you bought a present!! (panic setting in) We said no presents!!

S: Not a present. Just a little something to show you I love you.

J: (hysteria setting in) But I love you, and I didn't get you a present, and now you won't think I love you, because we said no presents, and I wanted to stick to that so you wouldn't be mad at me, and now, I am the worst wife ever because I didn't get a you a Valentine's Day present, and it's our first married Valentine's Day together, and I thought that's what I was supposed to do, but I should have known that didn't really mean nothing, and now, I don't have anything for you except the cards I got you, and that isn't enough to show you how much I love you, and I am sorry that you got stuck with such a bad wife, and now, you are stuck with me forever, and I know you are sorry that you ever married me.

{S sitting in stunned silence as the tears flow from my ugly face and snot begins to form which I gracefully wipe off with shirt sleeve}

J: You need to take them back. I want us to be even, and I can't go get you something now, because you'll know when I got it, and I was going to even make you something, but I've been so tired and sick from being pregnant that I haven't had the energy, but I do really love you and wanted to do something for you, other than just a card, but we were trying to save money for our trip, and I wanted to be a good wife by sticking to our budget.

S: Baby, baby - you need to calm down. Come here. It's ok. (attempt at a hug)

J: It's not ok. It'll never BE ok. You are going to leave me because I am a bad wife, and I am going to miss you so much. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am doing a terrible job of showing you....

S: Sweetheart, it's ok. It's just a little something. Nothing big. I swear. It's not a big deal. Nothing to get upset about.

J: (realizing she's gotten S's shirt wet with tears...and probably snot) I can't help it. How little? If it's anything, it's more than what I did!

S: Just a little something.

J: How little? What is it?

S: You really want me to tell you?

J: Yes! I want to know how much I suck for not getting YOU anything.

S: OK - just some flowers, and a balloon ...and some chocolate.

J: (Brightening) Chocolate? I like chocolate....

{Meltdown over...}

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