Friday, December 28, 2012
Why going to a Zac Brown Band concert is kind of stressing me out
About a week ago, I had the thought that I needed to spend some more time listening to the music of the band in order to better enjoy the show. Now, I find myself driving around listening to all ZBB, all the time. I almost feel like I am studying for a test...as if learning the words to the songs is going to enhance my experience at the show or that there is going to be some penalty if the band plays a song I haven't heard before. What is that all about??
Then, for Christmas, my brother in law and his girlfriend got tickets to the same show. Initially, I was excited for them to be going to the same show, but then, the conversation turned to what we were all going to wear to the show and panic began to set in. I have never been a girl that gets dressed up for shows - I always thought it was kind of silly to get all gussied up for a concert, since it was pretty unlikely that anyone from the band was going to look out to the audience and see some girl all dressed up and decide that she was "the one" (and admit it, that's the main reason girls get dressed up when they go to shows!). However, now, I want to pick out the perfect outfit to wear when we go see the show - and I have spent more time than I care to admit, mentally going through my wardrobe to see what would be the best combination. What is that all about??
Here's what's really going on: I want to look "cool". I want to have that moment where my husband or someone I don't even know looks at me, and I am perfectly lip syncing along to the song being sung from the stage, or even better, actually singing the words and harmonizing (the music geek in me just can't help attempting to harmonize!!). I want them to think, "Wow, look how cool Jeannine is...she knows all the words!", or even better, "Holy cow, is she harmonizing?? She shouldn't be down here watching the show, she should be on stage!" I want my brother in law's gorgeous girlfriend to have a minute where she looks at my outfit and thinks, "I wish I could wear that outfit and look like that!" or "She always looks so put together, I am so impressed" (which is what I usually think when I see HER!).
Especially since having the baby, I have been kind of struggling with my identity and self confidence. Alright, that's a lie. I have been REALLY struggling. After years of working in a "cool" industry like radio, I now feel more defined by my role as a mom. Can being a mom be "cool"? Let me wipe the spit up off of my shoulder before I let you answer that question.
I am also struggling with my post-baby body. My weight has been a struggle for a lot of my adult life, but I had gotten down to a good healthy weight for the wedding and was feeling pretty good about myself...before I got pregnant. Now, I am staring down the barrel of needing to lose 40 MORE pounds to get back to where I started. That will do a number on your psyche, or at least it has on mine. Nothing fits right anymore. I am still wearing maternity clothes a lot of the time, and the clothes that I have either gotten as gifts or as "holdovers" until I lose the weight are in sizes I was hoping never to see again. I know that this can be temporary - but for today, I am not feeling that hot.
With all this said, I know that tomorrow night will be fun - if I can just take the pressure I've put on myself off and remember to just enjoy the show, and also, if I can remember they are performing for me and not the other way around.
Anyone relate to feeling like that? Have any tricks to get out of your own head when stuff like this comes up?