Wednesday, February 13, 2013
A double standard rears its ugly head
Quite frequently, I feel like I am failing - because I can't find time for all the things I want to do. I am a woman that wants to do it ALL - and sets a crazy amount of New Year's resolutions to challenge myself to make it happen.
Often, I feel like I am playing one of those whack-a-mole games where I can never quite get all the moles back in their holes. If I spend time working out, then, I am not spending time working on getting my real estate license. If I spend time on my real estate license, then, I am not spending time working on fundraising for Komen. If I spend time fundraising for Komen, then, I am not spending enough time with my husband. If I am spending time with my husband, I am not getting the house clean. And the list goes on....
Recently, I had a conversation with my good friend Donna and got very honest about feeling so very overwhelmed and burnt out. It was the end of a week of my daughter being sick, which had required me to stay home with her and derailed a lot of my best laid plans to check things off my list that week. I was feeling like I had massively failed - when the reality was that I hadn't failed at all. I had my most important job: taking care of my daughter. And, I'll go ahead and pat myself on the back a little: I had done it well! Instead of focusing on that fact, I was only focusing on the things that hadn't gotten done - and on burning myself out trying to find time to get to them.
Donna reminded me to slow down, and focus on the care I had given my daughter. To stop and remember to take care of MYSELF and not try to do it all, all at once. It felt like GRACE.
If the conversation had been reversed, and it was her calling ME to share with me the same situation, I would have responded to her with kindness, caring and compassion (exactly like she responded to me!).
Why is it so hard for us to extend ourselves the grace that we gladly give our friends? Why do we impose impossible standards on ourselves? Why do we berate ourselves for falling short of those standards - especially when we know that, in reality, there's really no way to have and do it "all"?
I wish I had some great, wise answer to share - but for now, I will just share this: When I catch myself being hard on myself, I am going to try to back up and talk to myself like I would to a friend. When I set my resolutions, they were supposed to be fun goals for the year - not something to make myself feel bad if I don't do it all, right NOW!
In the wise words of one of my favorite bloggers, Jon Acuff, I am going to give myself some grace today. In the wise words of Brene Brown, I am going to try to focus on the fact that I am enough!
Do you have the same double standard when it comes to how you treat yourself vs. your friends?