Thursday, June 14, 2012

How I Know My Husband Loves Me

Have you ever heard of Dr. Gary Chapman's "5 Love Languages"? It changed the way that I look at how to give and receive love in a relationship. I used to think that the only way to know if someone loved you was if they actually SAID the words "I love you", and said them often. I often wondered why it didn't feel as good as I wanted it to feel, or certainly wasn't sustainable in the long term.

According to Dr. Chapman, there are 5 different ways that we can feel special or make someone we care about feel special: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

As it turns out, hearing the words "I love you" isn't my best love language. After taking a quiz that my therapist gave me, it turns out that I am a girl that likes "Acts of Service". From, here's what that means: Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

After learning that this is my love language, S set about learning how to SHOW me he loves me - and has become FLUENT in "Acts of Service".

This morning, he woke up early to make me breakfast while I was in the shower. This is even more astounding if you know him at all. He is a man that cherishes his sleep, and needs a lot of it. So, the fact that he did this spoke volumes about how much he loves me.

This week, when I was out at a meeting, he cleaned the whole house so that it would be clean when he went on a short business trip, and to top it off, he left me a love letter on the nightstand so that I would see it when I went to sleep.

This month, he sat down and put together a household budget in a fancy spreadsheet for us. I'd been suggesting for a while for us to get on a budget - but hadn't made any of the effort myself to move us in that direction. So, now, prominently displayed on our refrigerator is our household budget.

Does a sandwich, a clean house, and a budget tell YOU that someone loves you? If not, maybe you have a different language than I do. S's is "Physical Touch", so it's my job to make sure that I reach out and give affection as much as possible. Is it a bad thing that we have different love languages? Absolutely not! The only important thing is that we know what the other one needs - and provide it to the best of our ability!

Lately, I had been feeling pretty gross and unlovable - which is par for the course with a lot of pregnant women. But now that I am paying attention to what S is DOING, I know, without a doubt, that S loves me - because he is speaking my language, loud and clear.


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