The old man that gave me candy

This week, Alabama held its primary elections, and my town relocated some of our polling places. Two of the new polling locations shared a parking lot, so there was a good deal of confusion as to where to go vote. As I walked in to where I thought I should be, I saw several other voters that looked as unsure as I was about whether we were in the right place. One couple stood out.

They were an older couple, walking slowly down the long hall, following the signs pointing us in the direction we needed to go. I made eye contact with the wife, as she patiently waited for her husband to make his way down the long hall, using his cane. We exchanged smiles as I walked past, and then, she spoke up, “Excuse me. Do you know if they have a wheelchair around here that he could use? This is a long way for him to walk.” I didn’t, but told her that I would go find out and rushed down the hall to find a volunteer.

The volunteer came to meet them and it was determined that we were all, in fact, in the wrong place, and needed to go across the parking lot. The wife looked a little defeated, so I offered to go find someone else to try to get a wheelchair. She explained to her husband what was happening, and he just turned around and resolutely started making slow progress back towards the door.

It was time for a new plan: I offered to stay walking with him so she could get her car and pull up to the front of the building. She agreed and hustled to go get the car.

I wanted to make conversation, so I asked, “Is that your sweetheart?”

His face brightened, and he said, “She sure is. Been married for 73 years!”

I was blown away. “”73 years? That’s amazing.”

He smiled and paused his slow progress towards the door. I could tell that he was excited to talk about her. “No, she’s amazing. We are both veterans. We both served in the Navy in World War II. I was over there when they dropped the bomb and she was a nurse. When we came home, we got married right away. After what we saw, we didn’t want to waste any time. The funny thing is that when we came home, we couldn’t even vote because we were too young.”

Again, I was blown away. “Wait – you couldn’t vote, even after you had served?” (Note to self: brush up on history…)

“The law didn’t change until many years later. So, I waited until I turned 21, and I haven’t missed a vote since.” I could tell by the way he was moving that he wasn’t going to miss the chance today, either. He was making determined progress towards the door. I could see that his wife had pulled up to the front and was craning to see him.

“Well, let’s make sure you get there today.” I escorted him towards the door, and right before we passed through, he paused and reached into his pocket. He smiled, winked and handed me a Bit O’Honey candy. “Since you’ve been so sweet…”

I thanked him, put the candy in my pocket, helped him get in the car and watched as his wife drove him across the parking lot to the other polling place. As I walked to my own car, I pulled the candy out of my pocket and smiled. I love the idea that he carried around candy in his pocket, and that he decided to share it with me that day. I loved even more getting to hear about their time in the service and getting to witness a love that spanned over seven decades.

I don’t think I’ll eat that candy. Instead, I will keep it as a reminder of getting to meet that sweet couple that day, of their love story, of their service and of what happens when I take a few minutes to make connections with the people around me.

The night I forgot the words to the Star Spangled Banner

Facebook reminded me this morning that nine years ago today, I had one of the most embarrassing nights of my life. However, in the years since, it has turned out to be one of my favorite stories to tell. It's funny how time changes our perspective life that.


When I lived in Connecticut, Damon Scott, the afternoon personality on the radio station I worked for, also worked for the local AHL team, the Hartford Wolfpack. He was the guy that went out on the ice between periods to get the crowd to play games or ran around the stands giving away prizes. Every so often, I would join him or fill in for him if he had a conflict - the team even made me my own special jersey.

One day, while waiting to go out on the ice, it came up in conversation that one time, I had sung the National Anthem for the local WNBA team, the Connecticut Suns.



I told them if they ever ended up in a pinch without someone to sing, I would be glad to help out. They said they would call if they did, but I honestly thought it was never going to happen. 

So, on the afternoon of October 29, 2008, we got a call at the station that someone had backed out for that night, and they asked if I could cover. I was nervous, but I agreed to sing that night. I hustled down to the Civic Center, arriving just in time to go out for the anthem.


They laid out a red carpet on the ice for me to walk on, and handed me a microphone. The lights dimmed and the announcer said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the singing of our National Anthem. Tonight, it will be sung by 96.5 TIC's Jeannine Jersey". I walked out, took a deep breath, closed my eyes and started singing.


"Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light...."


I remember thinking, "This isn't so bad. I was nervous for nothing," and then, I opened my eyes.


"What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming..."


I looked around the arena as I sang, and saw the men with their hats in their hands, the children with their hands over their hearts, and felt proud to be asked to be part of this great tradition.


"Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight..."


Then, I looked up at the Jumbotron, and caught a glimpse of myself on the big screen - and something felt really wrong. My lips seemed out of sync for what I was singing. (I know now that the video just had a slight delay, but in real time, I didn't understand what I was seeing.)


"O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming..."


And I froze. I was so thrown off by what I saw on the Jumbotron that I completely lost my place in the song, a song that I had sung hundreds of times before. I paused, hoping it would come back to me - and there was NOTHING. My hand holding the microphone dropped to my side.


The silence was deafening. My face turned red. I felt lightheaded, like I was going to pass out from embarrassment. My eyes started to burn with tears about to fall. I had frozen in front of all of those people, and had no idea what to do.


Then, behind me, I heard one of the guys that worked for the Wolfpack, started to sing at the top of lungs. "And the rockets red glare...."


The people sitting in the section next to where he was standing joined in and started singing too: "The bombs bursting in air..."


And soon, the whole arena was singing, "Gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there...."


I laughed, looked at my friend with gratitude, picked up the mic, and joined in. "Oh, say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave...O'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave..."


The crowd cheered, laughed and clapped as I gave a small wave and scurried off the red carpet and back into the dark recesses of the arena under the stands.


I was mortified - more embarrassed than I could ever remember being in my entire life, but was already laughing at what had just happened. I remember thinking, "If I don't find a way for this to be funny, I am never going to get over it."


So, I started looking for the humor in the situation, and for the lessons I could take away from the experience. Here's what I learned:
1. You can't actually die from embarrassment. Sure, that moment was awful - but I survived it and many other embarrassing moments since.
2. Sometimes, one voice in the silence can make all the difference. My friend saw that I was in trouble and put his own pride aside to help me. I'll never forget his kindness.
3. Help is contagious. When others heard him, they joined in, and together, we got through it.
4. I have a choice - when I make a big mistake, I can let it define me and wallow or I can find the humor in it or lessons from it, and move forward, stronger.


Just last week, I was sharing this story with some co-workers and a woman that was in our office interviewing for a job. We were all laughing because, let's face it, it's kind of hilarious. I love sharing this story now, and I am glad that time has given me the perspective to see how funny it really is!

What I learned after running through the airport

Anyone that knows me knows that I love a good plan and schedule. I live by my calendar and pride myself on being organized. Lately, that has become even more necessary due to my increased work travel. With life getting more and more hectic, it soothes me to be able to look on my calendar and know that everything is "handled".

For the past three weeks, I have been on the road for work and the mommy guilt has been strong. That got kicked up a notch last week when I got a note from Diana's school with instructions for this week's "end of year program". When I put it on the calendar at the beginning of the year, I thought it was some sort of classroom party, so it didn't register that it was, for all intents and purposes, a mini-graduation. I was scheduled to be at a conference all week (and had even told some of my colleagues that I would cover a big meeting at the conference so they could go to their own children's graduations). I figured Steven could bring the snacks or whatever we signed up to bring and that would be that.

Then, when the note came, I knew that I couldn't miss it. Flights were changed, plans were scrapped, meetings reassigned - but it was all going to work out, after a little scrambling. I got up before the crack of dawn to make my flight in order to be home in time, and everything seemed to be coming together until my flight from Phoenix landed in Atlanta.

I knew the connection time was going to be a little tight, but my heart sunk when the announcement came on that we weren't able to pull up to the gate right away. I was in the back of the plane and there were hundreds of people that were going to need to get off before I did. I looked at my phone for the gate for my connecting flight and it was in another terminal. My heart sunk again. I watched the status on my phone change to "Boarding" for my next flight and watched the clock tick forward over and over as I waited for the plane to pull up and the other passengers to get OUT OF MY WAY! (Side note: I didn't actually yell that, which is a testament to some major spiritual progress...)

When I was finally able to deplane, I took off running. Literally. It was not a graceful run, since I was lugging a heavy purse and pushing/pulling a rolling suitcase. Between my huffs and puffs, I muttered "Excuse me!" and "I'm sorry!" to everyone I passed or bumped, but I didn't look back because I was only focused on getting on that next plane. I hobbled down the escalator as far as I could hoping that shaving a few extra seconds off of my time would get me on the next tram to the right terminal, and just in the nick of time, jumped on the tram. When the tram stopped, I shoved my way off and started running again. First, up the escalator, and then, through the terminal, again muttering to everyone I passed.

All I could think was "please don't let me miss this flight, please don't let me miss this flight..." My mommy guilt kept my legs moving, faster than they have in a long time. In my head, I could hear my daughter saying "Mommy, why do you keep working all the days? When are you coming home?" I didn't want to let my girl down.

Finally, I arrived at the gate, right as they were making their last call. There was one woman in line ahead of me, and one person at the gate. Something was wrong with his ticket, so the flight attendant starting working on the computer trying to get it sorted out. I let out a huge sigh of relief and slumped over the handle of my suitcase. The woman in front of me turned around, placed her hands on top of mine, looked me in the eyes and said, "Breathe, baby, you made it." I just nodded and complied. "Take another one, baby. You're okay. I don't want you to fall out and miss your plane after all that running."

I apologized and told her that I didn't mean to be such a mess. I started to explain about my crazy three weeks of travel and having to change everything around to make this flight because I didn't pay close enough attention, and she stopped me and said, "Honey, it's always going to be something. You made it. That's all she's going to even remember. Don't pile on guilt that doesn't need to be there."

The ticket agent figured out the person's issue in front of us and we all made our way down the gangway. My new friend chatted as we walked down the aisle about her travels to see all of her grandbabies that were graduating and how proud she was of them. Her voice was so soothing that I felt my angst just fall away. Right before we got on the plane, she turned around and said, "I mean it, now. No more piling on guilt that doesn't need to be there. Remember to breathe, baby, and you'll be fine." She covered my hands with hers one more time, smiled, and took her seat.

I am so grateful for that woman. She recognized my angst and chose to reach out, instead of ignore. Her kind words of reassurance and the reminders to breathe helped more than she could probably imagine. It was a powerful example for me of the need to pay attention to those around us and look for a chance to connect and offer assurances. She could have been playing on a phone and not noticed or chosen to ignore the panting, hot mess of a mom behind her in line. Instead, she reached out, extended some grace and mercy and it made all the difference.

Grace at the grocery store

This afternoon, I made my weekly trip to the grocery store. We have friends coming over for dinner tonight, and I had a long list of things to get for Christmas dinner too. 

I was hurrying through my list and getting frustrated by the fact that I had to go from end to end of the store to get things I overlooked on my first trip through the aisles. There were lots of other people in the store this afternoon, all on similar missions to mine, so I was held up more than once while waiting for another patron to make their selection with their cart parked out in the middle of the aisle.

When I was finally finished and ready to head to the checkout, each register had about 3 people waiting. I sighed and started to push my cart towards the front.

I heard this really loud jingling - like there were about a dozen Salvation Army bell ringers somewhere nearby - and looked up to see a dancing, stuffed elf hat on one of the shelves between me and the register. To my right, I heard giggling and saw a 10 year old boy dart towards the dancing hat - while leaving his cart directly in front of mine with no room to get around.

An exasperated voice said, "Tony, you can't leave your cart in the middle of the aisle! Come back here!"   When I looked to see the person attached to the voice, I saw a dad with three other kids in tow. The poor guy looked like he had been through quite the afternoon. 

In that moment, I knew I had a choice: I could either silently push past the abandoned cart with a grimace on my face, or I could offer a word of encouragement to a guy that was clearly having "one of those days". 

I put on my biggest smile, and said, "How could he not stop? It's a singing, jingling elf hat! No big deal - I can go around." The dad smiled a very relieved smile, and I saw his shoulders drop about 6 inches. The little boy came back to his dad with a grin on his face and started dancing along to the music eminating from the hat. We all just laughed!

It was a small moment, a tiny gesture, and honestly, not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things - but it gave me pause. In EVERY moment, we have choices like that: we can grimace our way through or offer a smile and kind word, we can sulk in silence or pick up the phone, or we can walk away mad or turn and try to have a civil conversation. I think it all adds up. After that brief encounter, I was in a better mood and carried that home with me. I was excited to share that moment with my husband and with you, and I know that the dad with four kids was grateful to have a positive interaction rather than a negative one. 

Why I was so excited to bake muffins with Diana

Mother's Day is bittersweet for me again this year. I absolutely love being a mom, even when it's really challenging, but I hate that my own mother isn't here to see her namesake becoming this spunky, fun little human.

On Friday afternoon, Diana's school had a Mother's Day party. We ate snacks together, and the kids presented us with these sweet little collages that they made. Instead of heading back into work after the party, I decided to spend the rest of the afternoon with my little one as my own Mother's Day gift to myself. 

We went for a walk, we colored in a couple of her favorite coloring books, we played tag, we ate pizza together, and then, we got to do this: 

My husband snapped this photo with his phone from the other room. That's Diana and me making muffins together. It was our first attempt at baking together, and my heart is still full because of it. 

It might seem like a little thing to most people - why get so excited about muffins?? But for me, it felt like I was carrying on a family tradition.

My mom was an incredible baker and cook. She was MacGuyver in the kitchen - she could whip up pretty much anything from nothing, and it was always really good. She loved the act of creating something that would bring people happiness and comfort, something that would sustain and nurture. We had a giant cookie jar in our kitchen, and it was always full with something yummy. When she died, many of the condolence cards mentioned her skills in the kitchen. 

I loved to be in the kitchen with my mom. Who doesn't love to watch a master artist apply their craft?

One of my favorite memories of my mom was from a random day after middle school, when I came banging through the front door before my brother and sister got home, and she was singing along to Lionel Richie on the radio and setting out all the ingredients for us to make her trademark chocolate chip cookies. When she saw me come in, she didn't stop singing, she just grinned and motioned for me to join her. (I still get choked up with I hear "You Are"....)

Over the past 14 years since she died, when I've struggled with missing her or needed to feel connected, I have often resorted to stepping into the kitchen, pulling on an apron, and getting my hands busy making something from her baking repertoire. 

On Friday, I was loving the time I got to spend with Diana, but found myself thinking about how much I wished my mom was still around to be a part of her life. Instead of wallowing in that or letting it ruin an otherwise really lovely afternoon, I decided to show Diana how her grandmother would have loved to be spending time with her. 

So, I pulled out the ingredients to make muffins and all the bowls, spoons and muffin tins, I plopped Diana up on the counter, and held her hands as she put in the eggs, water and oil. I held the bowl as she sloppily stirred everything together. I found myself saying the same things to her that my mom used to say to me: "Make sure you get you get all the lumps out", "don't eat too much of that now or you'll feel sick", and "great job, sweetie, great job." 

Diana loved it. As a matter of fact, she loved it so much that we made two batches! Then, when we were done, I wrapped them up, and we delivered them to our neighbors to say "Happy Mother's Day" to them because that's what my mother would have done. 

Today, I am grateful for having had a mother that taught me about the love of baking and of caring for others with her example of a life of service and sharing, and for the fact that while she's not here anymore, her legacy can live on and on if I choose to share it with her granddaughter, Diana, and all of you.

Six months later...

Have you ever meant to get to something, and let time slip and slip and slip by? So, six months later, here I am! I've been meaning to write, meaning to set aside the time, meaning to get organized and down to business...but then, well, life happened and I just never got around to capturing my thoughts here.

I am sitting here, with the rain coming down outside, in the kitchen of my new house with my daughter and husband asleep upstairs. Scratch that. She's asleep - he just sent me a video of her snoring while he holds her. How stinking cute is that?

Lots has changed in the last six months - the biggest thing is that our little family moved into a new house. It was quite the adventure with lots of drama along the way. We almost bought a house with termites. One of the owners threatened to sue us for not wanting to buy the house with termites. We had to find a new house in 48 hours because we sold our old house and the closing date was looming. Oh, and then, when we did find a house and determine a closing date for our old house, it was right smack dab on the middle of a two week mandatory training class that I had to take at work, so S ended up doing pretty much all of the coordinating and organizing. On Monday, March 24. I left to go to work from one house and came home to another! 

We are going to spend quite a while getting this house to feel like our home, but we love it, so far. It has lots of room for Diana and for us, and for family and friends to come visit or stay (hint, hint...) It's closer to civilization, so now, heading into town for an event isn't such a daunting proposition. 

The other big milestone for me was getting a PR (personal record) in the Mercedes Half Marathon in February. I had been wanting to get back into running and with my new schedule at my new job, I can run before my work day starts. After a few months of serious training, I ended up running next to a friend who kept me so distracted that I didn't even realize how quickly we were running until we crossed the finish line! I got a 2:07, which is a full 24 minutes faster than my only other half marathon. 

What's up next? Vegas, baby! I am planning in doing my first full marathon there in November! Training has already begun, and if my knee holds out, I can cross that off my bucket list. 

Well, I know this wasn't the deepest or most inspirational post, but basically, I just wanted to write SOMETHING to get back in the habit. More to come - hopefully soon.

Today, I am grateful for:

1. Rain on my window - it's the best soundtrack for a Sunday afternoon nap. 

2. Getting to spend time with my in laws this weekend - they are truly some of the best people I know.

3. A husband that will go grocery shopping when I don't want to - what a champ!

4. A friend that I can text or call when I have something keeping me up at night to help get me out of my shame spiral and off the hamster wheel.

5.  This: 

Dear God, thank you for the many blessings in my life. I know that I am blessed beyond measure and only by Your grace. Please grant Diana some relief from her pink eye - I know You have lots of other stuff to worry about with world peace and all, but since You are God, I am hoping you can multitask. Please show me how to be of service to those in need and look for ways to give rather than take. Amen.

Hump Day Gratitude

Despite wanting to be a gratitude guru, I have taken a serious leave of absence from practicing gratitude, and I can tell. When I get in the "everything sucks" or "everything is going to go wrong" mindset, it's time to pause, pray and put together my gratitude list.  

This weekend, we will be celebrating my daughter's first birthday - did you read that? We - meaning my husband, family and close friends - how lucky am I to have any, and especially ALL of those?  Celebrating - gathering in our home (glad to have that!!) and eating and spending time together (grateful so many people want to come!). My daughter - I am beyond blessed to get to be momma to this little one. I waited a long, long time to get to be a momma, and God knocked it out of the dang park with this cute, charismatic, sweet, loving and well behaved child. First birthday - we have made it through the year (knock on wood!) with no major mishaps and in good health. 

There is a lot to be grateful for in that one sentence, alone!

I am on my lunch break at my new job, sitting out in the sunshine, and I am grateful for all of that, as well. I love my new job - I feel challenged and welcomed and enjoy the work very much. The sunshine is much welcome after lots of gray and gloomy days lately. 

I would write more, but I need to get inside. Thanks for helping me to turn my attitude around. 

Big News

I'll cut to the chase.  My last day in radio is Friday, July 5th, and on Monday, July 8th, I'll start my new job doing corporate communications for a company based out of Birmingham (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent!).

I've spent over half of my life on the radio - I started as a college freshman at the campus radio station and haven't looked back.  However, as you know if you read this blog, my life has changed quite a bit in the past couple of years: moved to Alabama, met the love of my life, got married, and had a beautiful baby girl.

I am beyond grateful for the gifts that my career has given me - especially for those I just listed.  If I hadn't taken this job in Birmingham, none of the above would have happened, and now, I can't imagine my life without my handsome husband and my beautiful daughter. 

My radio career has taken me all over the country - Maryland, Pennsylvania, Colorado, Connecticut and Alabama - and has introduced me to some of the biggest characters and personalities one could ever imagine.  I have always said that working in radio is "better than working for a living", because when you love what you do, it's not really "work". 

However, the time has come to take the skills that I have acquired along the way and apply them in the next phase of my career.  I am beyond excited for this new opportunity.  When I say that it is better than I could have imagined, I am not exaggerating. (And I am not just excited about getting to sleep in a little later each day....)  I really do think that God was looking out for me and guiding the entire long process for me to make this transition.

To those of you who have cheered me on while I was making this big decision, thank you.  Change is not always the easiest, but your encouragement and counsel made it a lot easier.  Thank you to all those I have worked with over the past almost 20 years, too - it's been a fantastic ride, and I'll be cheering all of you on from the other side of the radio.

Giggly Girl

Here's news that will surprise no one:  It's kind of exhausting to keep a baby entertained for hours at a time.  S was working last night - so, it was MY job to find ways to occupy Diana.  As it turns out - she thinks I am kind of funny:

How could I be in a bad mood when I hear THAT? 

Today, I am grateful for:
- Baby Giggles
- Beautiful weather that lets us go for walks every day
- Physical therapy that makes me capable of going for walks
- Pay day (Woo hoo!)
- Friends coming to dinner tonight

Dear God, thank You for a happy, healthy baby - I know it's cliche, but I swear I don't take it for granted.  I am also digging on this weather and having my knee on the mend - getting out and enjoying Your sunshine and handiwork.  Also, thank You for giving my family the resources to make ends meet and prepare for our next step to buy a new home in the next year.  Finally, I want to thank you for the support and encouragement from my friends - I remember a time where I didn't feel like I had any allies left in the whole world, and now, You've seen fit to surround me with love and kinship.  Thank You for these many blessings - and all of the others I didn't list specifically.  Please show me if I can be of service to You and Your kids today.  Amen. 

Grateful for Autocorrect Fails

Yesterday, I was with a group of friends, and one said it had been a while since she put pen to paper to do a gratitude list...and then, I remembered that *I* hadn't done one in a while.  It is certainly long overdue! 

One of my favorite things about taking time to stop and do a gratitude list is this:  the more I do it, the more things I find myself feeling grateful for.  It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy; thinking about the positive things in my life, brings more of them.  Even when events occur that may not seem like blessings, at first, if I am in the habit of practicing gratitude, I can usually find a silver lining in there, somewhere.

So, here goes!

Today, I am grateful for:
- Reliable day care/care givers - S and I both have busy jobs, and I can honestly say that I would be lost without the wonderful people that care for our daughter, Diana. 

- Friends that are willing to work at our friendship - everyone I know is busy, running in a million different directions.  I am blessed that I have friends that are willing to use their precious few minutes in the car alone to try to connect, or are willing to make the drive out to my house to hang out with me, or are willing to plan a lunch date two weeks from now because we want to make sure it definitely happens.

- Technology - it would be a mess trying to accomplish (or even remember!) every we do each day without technology like our smartphones, laptops, baby monitors, GPS's, etc. 

- Funny moments that break up the day - like when autocorrect ruins a romantic text I was trying to send my husband!  It's good to have a good belly laugh in the middle of a work day.  (I've especially loved the funny comments people have left on Facebook status about this happening)  He had just told me about an older couple he had observed helping each other maneuver through airport security. 

- A happy, healthy daughter - she is having so much fun these days, crawling and exploring.  I just love spending time with her, and she cracks herself up.  It is literally music to my ears to hear her giggle.  I melt EVERY time. 

And now, my prayer for the day:
Dear God, thank you for the reminder to take a minute to pause and practice gratitude.  I know well the benefits of this exercise, and can't wait to start feeling them!  Thank you for all of the many blessings You have given me, both those listed above and those known only in my heart.  I know that I am a truly blessed woman.  Help me today to look for ways to SHOW my gratitude, and if there's some way I can be of service to You and Your kids.  Amen 

Parking lot gratitude

Like most people, I have a jam-packed schedule, so today, when I found myself with a spare hour between appointments, it felt like a luxury. Truth be told, it is! I often schedule my days so tightly that I even have to remember to account for driving time between places because otherwise, I commit myself to being in two places at once.

With time to spare, I checked a few things off of my "to do" list: went to the baby store to get a refund for a coupon I had forgotten to use when I was there last, picked out Diana's first Easter basket, cleaned the trash out of my car....nothing major, but all things that have been nagging at me.

Before my next appointment starts, I am sitting in a parking lot listening to an interview with an incredible choir director on the radio, with the sun beaming through my windows and the windows down. I have an iced green tea in my cup holder, and just ate a scrumptious birthday cake pop.

In short, life is good.

Maybe I should start scheduling some time like these in my days going forward!

Usually, I compose gratitude lists to help turn a nasty mood around, but today, I just want to do it to take stock of this moment. Maybe that will encourage me to have more of these moments!

Today, I am grateful for:
- Sunshine. Lots of places don't have any today, and it's glorious here today in Alabama.
- Starbucks gift card - S gave it to me for Christmas, and it's the gift that keeps on giving. I was able to get a treat for myself, even though we are in hard core savings mode.
- Coupons - it's become a game to me to use coupons. I don't buy anything unless it is with a coupon or on sale. It makes me feel less guilty about spending money - and I've started to keep track of how much I have saved to see it stacking up. So far, I have saved $606 in the past 32 days! Incredible!
- Friends that remember to check in when they say they will - when someone asks for prayers or tells me of an issue they are dealing with, I worry. I appreciate them reporting back how things turned out.
- A great day care - I would never be able to do all that I do without knowing that Diana is in good hands every day.

Dear God, thank you for my many blessings - both those listed above and those You know are in my heart. Life is good. Please help me to continue to focus on the positive and outwardly show my gratitude. Amen.

A sure fire fix for the blues

I have been kind of bummin' this week - I think it's a combination of the rain and clouds for the past 10 days, over committing myself, still fighting a cold, and being tired.

However, I have a sure fire cure for the blues...anyone want to borrow her? I am so grateful for her. She makes everything feel ok again...

Gratitude in a doctor's office waiting room

I guess I could be pretty cranky and grumpy, since I am not feeling well, at all. I have a cough that rattles my chest, throat and head - and sinus pressure to beat the band. So, instead of sending out invitations to my pity party, I have decided to use this time to make a gratitude list, in order to turn my frown upside down. (Ew. Yes, I just said that.)


Today, I am grateful for:
- a walk in clinic close to my house, relatively speaking
- remember to put gas in my car the other day, so it wasn't on E when I headed here. It would have sucked to have to pump gas when I feel this gross.
- a husband that works from home, so I could ask him to take over on baby duty when I headed over here.
- am ample supply of entertainment magazines that I actually hadn't read yet.
- health insurance. As flawed and expensive as it may be, it is better to have it than not to have it.
- support from friends when I mentioned I don't feel well.
- sweatpants and hoodies - nothing feels better to wear when I am sick.

Dear God, thanks for all of the stuff I mentioned - and for the many things I didn't. I know I am a pretty lucky girl, overall, and that this is going to be a short term deal. Help me to remember that and to keep perspective on how things could be much, much worse. Thanks. Amen.

Diana's First Christmas

It was a lovely first Christmas with Diana - S and I were reflecting as we drove home from Blountsville yesterday about how truly blessed we are - we have family that loves us and a healthy (and happy!) daughter.  Our families (and Santa!!) were beyond generous with the gifts they gave us, but the best part of all of it was the time spent together.  We made some great memories together, and since Santa brought me a new camera, we documented a lot of them (I think Diana is going to grow up thinking the paparazzi are following her around).  

Not feeling Mommy's new camera

Playing with Mommy

Up in the air!

Mommy is so silly!

Walking with Aunt Darby

Checking out the tree with Daddy!

Worn out from all the festivities

Santa Loves Me (or at least that's what my shirt says!)

Playing with Nicole, Aunt Dana and Nana

Snuggling Mommy while everyone opens presents

Story time with Nana and Uncle Tyler

Tuckered out again

Daddy putting together my new walker!

Loving my new walker!

Watching Mommy open my presents (gotta keep an eye on her!)

Christmas is hilarious!

For more pictures, check out this gallery: 

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151236109808355.482964.738188354&type=1&l=cd10236249



Gratitude in the face of the Sandy Hook tragedy

Like everyone else, I was heartbroken as the news came in about the senseless tragedy in Newtown, CT at Sandy Hook Elementary.  The more details that became confirmed, the more that the whole situation seemed like it was out of some awful movie.  I just didn't want to believe that any of this was real.

What on Earth could make someone want to kill children?  How could things get so bad, so quickly?  How would that community, those families, the children and teachers left behind ever recover?

When tragedy strikes, I want to hide my head in the sand, and avoid the news, avoid the conversation about events, avoid the chaos, avoid the speculation about the details and motivations.  It literally makes me sick to my stomach to think of the terror those children and adults felt, and it brings tears to my eyes every single time I hear one of the stories of  the lives that were lost.

Then, it becomes time to "walk the walk".  If I truly believe that there is something to be grateful for in EVERY circumstance, I need to spend some time paying attention and looking for anything positive in what seems like a completely tragic circumstance.

Here goes - today, I am grateful for:

- being able to go home and hug my daughter at the end of the day.  The day before the shooting, I was feeling pretty grumpy about having to sit up with her because of her cold.  On the night of the shooting, I went home and held her all night long. 
- the "angels" that blocked the stupid protestors that were attempting to draw attention to their ridiculous cause by protesting the funerals.  There was literally a human wall of bikers (aka Hell's Angels) that blocked their attempts, and eventually, the protestors stood down and left.
- the movement to perform acts of kindness in remembrance of each of the lives lost - what a fantastic way to honor their memory. Instead of focusing on the awful details, instead, we can be looking for opportunities to perform a random act of kindness in their memory.
- a renewed conversation about how to keep our children safe.  I don't know what shape those measures will take, but as a new mom, I am grateful that this is causing our leaders and educators to revisit ways to keep our precious children safe at school.
- a revived sense of community.  I feel like everyone around me is being just a little nicer and more patient with each other.  Maybe I am imagining it, but it seems like after such an awful event, it makes all of us sit back and realize what is truly important.
- the power of prayer.  I've heard it said that when faced with a situation you feel powerless over, that you really have two powers:  the power of prayer and the power of example.  In this case, I am wearing out my ability to pray - for the families, for the classmates, for the first responders, for the funeral workers, for the community, for the country, for our leaders, for our educators, and more.  When I feel lost and scared, which is often, at this point, I can close my eyes and connect with a Power greater than me and ask Him to protect us all. 

I have to admit that I don't feel as "light" as I usually do after putting together a gratitude list - but I do feel better than when I started.  I hope you do too.

What did I leave out?  What else could we be grateful for, in the wake of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting?  

Angel Walk

Today, I was witness to a "coining out" ceremony at St. Anne's Home - and an "angel walk". It was a beautiful ceremony - one that I had never witnessed or participated in, before today. It was moving and emotional, and there were more than a few tears from the more emotional woman that took part (i.e., me). I am a volunteer and board member for St. Anne's, so the whole house holds a special place in my heart - but today was more special than most.

At St. Anne's, most women stay for about three months, as they get their lives back in order and start their recovery and rehabilitation from drugs and alcohol. It is usually the bright spot of my week when I go there on Tuesdays for our weekly sessions. Getting to see the women slowly come out of their shells and start to feel more comfortable and happy in their sober skin brings me more joy than I can imagine.

The woman that coined out today actually chose to stay at the house for an additional two months in order to complete the therapy and recovery work that she knew was crucial to her long term success in remaining sober when she returned home to her family. Since I've gotten to know her pretty well over the past five months, she asked if I would come join them for her ceremony today.

It was called an "angel walk". The residents, staff, and invited volunteers lined up in two lines, tallest to shortest, facing each other at arm's length distance apart. Then, the woman that was coining out closed her eyes and stood at the back at the lines, and waited for the two women in the back to place their hands on her shoulders, right where her wings would attach. On a boombox, they played a very inspirational, musical version of the "Serenity Prayer" - which is a prayer near and dear to the recovery community. As we each placed our "wings" on her back, we leaned in to whisper a wish or good thought in her ear, and then, gently nudged her along to the next set of women, whose hands replaced ours, as her next set of wings.

This was repeated over and over, until she had about a dozen set of wings at her back - and dozens of kind wishes and words of love whispered in her ears. The women that participated in the ceremony were truly acting as angels for her as prepared to venture out in to the real world again.

I had goosebumps - watching this woman - who came to St. Anne's, convinced life would never, could never get any better - being lifted up, encouraged and loved on by all of the other women of the house, and the staff and volunteers. She emerged at the end of the line, joyful and proud - and we all felt uplifted by the experience.

I love the imagery of having our friends and loved ones as angels with their hands as the wings we need to fly. I am so grateful that I was able to be a small part of that incredible moment in her journey today, and I will never forget it. I hope she doesn't either.

A lesson I'll keep having to learn

Anyone that knows me knows that I love kids. As a matter of fact, it's kind of a joke among my friends - they call me the "baby whisperer". I love to hold babies, and rock them to sleep. At gatherings, if there are kids there, I am down on the floor or out in the backyard with them.

Earlier this year, when one of my very good friends had a baby boy, S and I went to go visit them in the hospital. As we were about to walk in to the room, S looked down and remarked that he was glad I had brought the purse I did. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why he would care about my purse choice, until he made his follow up comment, "Because I know you won't be able to fit the baby in there to steal it."

So, now, we are married - and part of the reason that we picked the wedding date that we did was so we could start trying to have kids sooner than later. I am 35 - which means that I don't have too long to wait, especially if we want to have more than one (which we do!).

S is of the school of thought that we just do a lot of what newlyweds do, and that God will take care of the rest. As for me...well, I wanted to be a little more proactive. I downloaded an app on my phone to chart my most fertile days. I read a big old book about how to get pregnant. I used a ovulation tester kit, so I could have more proof of when it was "go time".

You know what makes someone not want to make a baby with you? Talking incessantly about making a baby. Reading a fertility book in bed. Peeing on a stick. Charting your most fertile days on your iPhone.

So, the big question is: What's my hurry, and more importantly, what's my worry? In the past, with EVERYTHING that I have turned over to God and His timing, it has always worked out for the best: I have the best husband in the world. My dog is home safe and sound. My career continues to surprise me. My family is awesome. My health is great. My friends are fantastic. We have a savings account, a place to live and clothes on our backs. All of those things were, at one point or another, things I had to give over to God and let Him figure out how to give them back to me.

For some reason, I am more afraid about truly turning this over. What if it takes a really long time? What if He decides to make it really tough for us to get pregnant? What if He decides that we aren't meant to be parents, in the traditional way? What if, what if, what if?

My fabulous therapist, E, reminded me yesterday that I have had to exercise faith in a pretty darn big way on those things listed about, and she believes that part of the reason that they turned out so well was because I was able to have gratitude while waiting for my answer from God and the outcome.

So, here goes - a gratitude list about where I am, right now. Today, I am grateful for:
- friends and family that love me enough to care about me getting what I want that they ask how the process is going.
- the fact that people aren't horrified at the idea of me being a parent (one of my greatest fears is that I'll share with someone that I want to be a parent, and they will shriek in horror at the thought).
- being financially stable enough to consider the idea of bringing a child into our family
- examples within my close friends of people that had trouble getting pregnant...but eventually did. (They are truly rock stars...and they know who they are.)
- a reminder from E to be grateful, under all circumstances, not just when things are going the way that I want them to. (Damn therapists...)
- a husband to walk this journey with (it wasn't so long ago that I actually had contemplated becoming a single parent, on purpose.)
- the power of prayer - even if it doesn't change the outcome, I know it'll change me.

Ok, Dude - I'll be patient, and wait on Your timing. I know it hasn't been that long that we've been trying - but since I've been waiting for my entire adult life to become a momma, it sure feels like it. Please remove this obsession from me - and help me to enjoy the process and my marriage, kid free. Thanks for the many blessings you've give me for this journey - and the reminders to stay grateful. Amen.

I used to hate praying...but now....

I used to hate praying. I used to hate the idea of praying. I used to think it was stupid to pray, that people that prayed were stupid, that anyone that had ever prayed was stupid.

And then, I tried it. Really tried it. In a book I read a lot, there's a quote that says "almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough," and for me, it's turned out to be true.

As it turns out, I don't have to be all that fancy or even know exactly what the heck I am praying to. The thing that counts more than anything is the ACT of prayer - taking the time to pause and ask for help, guidance, comfort and strength. Just as important is to offer up thanks for the many things in my life that have nothing to do with my having earned them, but instead serve as evidence of grace and providence.

When things are going well, it's easy to pray - but when things are NOT good, or when I am afraid of what God's answer will be to my prayers (i.e. "No" or "Not yet!" or "I have something else in store for you, little one..."), I flat out refuse to do it, even though I KNOW it will make things easier, if not the circumstances themselves, at least my attitude towards them. Praying is not stupid. I only used to think so because I was scared that I would have to admit that there were things out of my control and that I was not the end-all, be-all when it came to making the decisions about how life would go. The true irony is that I had nothing to be scared of. Another line from that amazing book I quoted earlier is: "When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned."

So, the relief comes from the act of praying, and then, the faith that not only will things be alright, they will be better that I could have planned....because I prayed.

So, scoffers can scoff. I honestly feel badly for people that flat out refuse to try. I only hope they don't hold out as long as I did. We don't have to suffer in the storm - we can be calmed, if only we ask and keep asking.